stillness. quiet. loneliness. are these words that naturally sooth my soul? do i desire to be still, quiet and even lonely? sometimes. usually when life is whirling around me at a pace difficult to absorb- let alone appreciate- i ache for quiet. however, when life deals you a significant time of stillness. it is almost too much for me to bare.
coming down from the high of an unbelievably fast paced, thrill-filled semester... to almost a screeching halt has been an excruciating adjustment... one that i still find difficult to swallow. (which proves to be a quite painful pun as of late... i have been sick... then sick again with the same irritating cold for weeks now). the feeling of over productivity and steady, accelerating progression this past spring semester surely set me up for this crash.
i have so much free time. me- in a different state of mind- would kill for so much time at my disposal. yet unfortunately thats how it feels lately... at disposal. the feeling of wanting... even needing to accomplish tasks... yet feeling so unmotivated and uninspired to do so some days overwhelms me. some would call this depression? i conclude it is a bit of post graduate reality setting in. it is so easy to wait for the next semester, the next class, the next exam... but what happens when the next is unsure?
i seek peace of mind. i'm looking for inspiration. i'm looking for motivation. i know this summer can be what i set out and make it to be. i resolve to make as successfully as this past semester. however my mind and will are not on the same page.
3 comments:
haha- i get the same way. i used to stress over my job and then when i quit i felt so unproductive and wanted things to keep me busy! still tempted to feel this way even with a baby but i guess if we ask the Lord what He desires us to 'accomplish' each day, we can't go wrong . . .
Sorry you've been feeling so sick... that never helps the situation. You've got a great po-po-po-poker face, though.
It's a tough balance to strike... enjoying the moment and accomplishing goals and moving toward a vision. I pray that God will give you a clear vision for your future and the motivation and inspiration to get there.
Try to enjoy these 'still' times of your summer... things can change in an instant... then you'll wish you had this time back. Not to be 'overly sentimental' but it's very true.
My most treasured moments in life (looking back) are the times when I was put in a position of just having to be still and wait for things... I hated it at the time, but God speaks to us in those times... just listen.... or come over and keep your favorite sis company!?
how about today?
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